Remembering the time before we became three

Ann Grauer, CD(DONA), IBCLC Doula Program Coordinator, Family Educator & Lactation Consultant

February 12, 2009

So, you’ve brought your new baby home and now real life begins. And one of the things you may be wondering about is how you will ever find time in the hazy days of changing diapers and feeding baby to nurture yourself and your relationship with your partner. Romance is not always the top priority in the midst of trying to gain your footing as new parents, but a little attention to yourself and each other makes a difference. Here, then, are suggestions from the real experts—parents—that they have shared with us over the years:

  • Sleep whenever and wherever you can. If you haven’t slept, it’s hard to give attention to yourself, let alone anyone else.
  • Allow your partner a little alone time. Take over care of the baby so that he or she can leave the house and do non-baby things. A trip to the store, going for a walk, a pedicure or even a little time with their friends allows us to feel a bit more connected with the outside world.
  • Take advantage of any “away” time your partner has given you! Trust him or her to care for their child in your absence. Even though it might not be the same way you do things, the baby will benefit from alone time with each parent.
  • Remember that this is the person you are sharing your life with and that you are on the same “side.” New babies are very labor intensive and it’s important to give a hug or a smile to one another. A little kindness towards one another goes a long way.
  • You probably have had offers by others to drop off a meal or you may have meals in the freezer—or there is always delivery from your favorite restaurant. Make one evening “date” night without you ever leaving the house. Yes, baby will still be there, but this is learning how to date one another again with baby on board. Enjoy good food (best of all if you order rather than cook) and put on a DVD you’ve been wanting to see. You may fall asleep on the couch while watching, but the point is to fall asleep together.
  • Lastly, look at your miraculous baby and remember, you and your partner are the reason this lovely child exists. Parenthood has real challenges, especially in the beginning, but if you take care of yourself and your partner, you will have much more to give to your newest reason for being.