Anna Rakovshik, MD Pediatrics Children’s Medical Group

May 28, 2009

When we understand discipline to mean shaping our child’s character and teaching acceptable behavior, it is easy to see that discipline starts at birth. The gentle touch and comfort you give to your child, and your responsiveness to her cry model behavior from the beginning of her life.

But modeling behavior alone is not enough. There comes a time, about when your child starts to crawl, when you’ll want to also encourage good behavior and self-control. Discipline is not about enforcing behaviors as much as teaching and is most effective when it is positive. With this approach in mind, here are some useful techniques for early discipline:

• From birth to about six months old:
  When infants under six months old cry, they are not trying to manipulate you, so you cannot spoil your baby by comforting her. Newborns cry to express needs. By being attentive to your newborn during this critical period and pacifying her emotional outbursts, you begin developing a special bond between you and your child. Eventually, this bond will become the backbone of your child’s trust.

• From about six months to about 18 months:
  When your child begins to crawl, that is a good time to start introducing verbal disapproval and redirection. Your main goal during your child’s early mobility is to keep her safe. Begin with preparing a safe play environment by removing potential dangers (like the coffee table with the sharp corners and putting safety plugs in electrical outlets.) Then you will not need to say “no” too frequently.
  
  If you do need to stop some potentially dangerous or problematic behavior, you can say, “No.” Your gentle “no” will help your child learn the limits of acceptable behavior. Then distract or redirect your child with another activity. Successful redirection removes the child from a troubling situation without compromising you as an authority figure, and it promotes your child’s sense of confidence and independence.

• From about 18 months to about three years old:
  As your child learns to communicate, you can also be more verbal in teaching acceptable behavior. Positive reinforcement is the preferred method of discipline. To reinforce desired behavior, try to catch your child doing something good. You will see that particular behavior again and again as your child actively seeks out your attention and praises.
  
  Conversely, ignoring bad behavior can also be very effective. If your child throws a tantrum, even in a public place, just make sure your child is safe and then allow her to have the tantrum. When your child is older, around three, you can encourage her to express her feelings of anger verbally instead of throwing a tantrum. Timeouts become a more effective tool for altering aggressive behavior after 18 months of age.
  
  Timeouts should be reserved for more serious infractions. A timeout should be in a quiet, designated location without any interaction with a parent. Toddlers crave parental attention and approval; removing them leads to altered behaviors. Timeouts should be brief, no more than one minute per year of age with a maximum of 5 minutes, and a child must be released from timeout once it is successfully completed.
  
  Spanking is not recommended. Spanking can teach a child it is ok to hit, especially someone smaller. Our children learn most through the behavior we model. If we keep that in mind while helping them learn the limits of acceptable behavior, we can both show and tell them how to act appropriately.