Dirk Steinert, MD Pediatrics Columbia St. Mary’s Germantown

February 01, 2007

Some people may think that the bond between parents and their new baby appears naturally, like magic, on the day the baby is born. While some may experience love at first sight, more often love and feelings of attachment grow through spending time focusing on one another. My observation is that it is important for parents to invest time and energy thinking about their baby while they are pregnant and to spend those first moments of their baby’s life cuddling their newborn. That’s how we tie those heartstrings.

When it comes to growing attached to your baby, there is no reason to wait until you meet face to face. Throughout your pregnancy, the more you think about and plan for your baby’s birth and read or sing to your baby, the stronger the bonds will grow.

Here are a few ways you can strengthen your sense of attachment to your baby during pregnancy:

• Think of names for your baby. Having a name helps you think of your baby as a person.
• Read to your baby.
• Recite nursery rhymes.
• Pay attention to what you eat and your baby’s reaction. You can start surmising your baby’s likes and dislikes. Maybe you won’t guess correctly, just as it is with any other human being, but what’s important is that you’ll realize that your baby is an individual with his or her own likes and dislikes.
• Pay attention to feeling your baby. When is he active? Resting?
• Get ready to welcome your baby. Enjoy getting the nursery ready and collecting the supplies you need. Not only can this be a fun way to focus on your baby, being prepared will also reduce stress, which can sometimes interfere with bonding.
• If your new baby has a sibling, get a sibling gift from the baby, and have your older child help you prepare your home for the new baby.

Once your baby is born, I recommend breastfeeding as soon as possible. It’s good for your baby and strengthens your feelings of affection. To ensure that you will be able to spend the first moments of your baby’s life nursing and holding your baby, it is best to plan ahead. Discuss with your doctor how he or she proceeds in the minutes after birth, the first 5–10 minutes of life. Ask if they encourage immediate holding and breastfeeding or do they usually wash and dry the baby off, then give him or her back to you. If you want the opportunity to hold your baby immediately, and I think that is preferable, then make sure your doctor knows and will support it.

I also encourage the woman’s partner to be involved and begin building ties with the new baby as soon as possible. Be with mother and baby at the hospital and take turns holding your baby. After birth, I encourage new mothers to keep their babies in the room with them. Listen to and watch your new baby and soon you’ll find yourself adoring him.